Crash Blossoms
“Has Tom lost his spherical glass playthings?”, I hear you say. Not at all. The rather lovely and fun title ‘Crash Blossoms’ is, in fact, the term now used for headlines in newspapers, magazines and journals that just don’t read quite right. The term itself comes from an American editor based in Japan, one Mike O’Connell. He spotted a headline that read “Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms”. The story was in fact referring to a plane crash. A Japanese Airlines plane had crashed, and the father of the aforementioned violinist was killed. She went on to do rather well, apparently. Obviously, she ‘blossomed’, and the ‘link’ was the fact that she was the hapless man’s daughter. Whew! O’Connell was discussing the fact that he immediately wondered what a ‘crash blossom’ was on an online discussion forum, Testy Copy Editors, and another participant, Dan Bloom, suggested they use ‘Crash Blossoms’ as the term for such ambiguities. By the way, if you’re a fan of language or a completely uptight grammar/punctuation/spelling Nazi, the Testy Copy Editors site is a real find. Check it out when you have the time.
Another great place to go – particularly if you need a few giggles – is crashblossoms.com. Some of the examples below I have shamelessly culled (but the descriptions are mine), and the same goes for Fear Insanity. So with apologies to the site owners, but with a strong recommendation that you pay a visit, here goes:
Jessica Hahn, actress and model, was allegedly drugged and raped by the US TV evangelist Jim Bakker and a co-conspirator. Nothing was ever proven as far as I can tell, but a small payment of some $265,000 would suggest things were not straightforward. Ms Kahn was tired after giving evidence in court, leading to this scatalogical wonder:
Jessica Hahn Pooped After Long Day Testifying
Citing a predicted upturn in the fortunes of the American nuclear power industry, the BBC came up with this eye-popping gem:
US Eyes Boom in Nuclear Reactors
Convinced that there must be a new horror movie out, I read with interest:
Jet-Ski Death Police Seek Youth
Barrister Filmed up Girls’ Skirts – I wonder what he was doing there? Proabably best not to ask.
McDonald’s Fries the Holy Grail for Farmers – that’s going to piss Indiana Jones off.
Volkswagen to cut 20,000 Workers – a bit harsh, just after sacking them.
Black Teen Pregnancy Targets – wishful thinking there, chaps?
No More Grammars, Tories Pledge – indeed.
Apple iTunes Users Growing Fast – well, they’re mostly kids, aren’t they?
Not all mistakes appear in headlines. Any time the English language is shortened, there is a possibility of miscomprehension. My favourite story (although almost certainly apocryphal) involves a telegram sent to the actor, Cary Grant. Enquiring about his age, the sender, for brevity, sent “How old Cary Grant”. Grant sent a telegram by return stating “Old Cary Grant fine. How you?”
Until next time,
Tom
You’re forgetting the WW2 classic “Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans”.
I have an old Private Eye “Book of Boobs” from the 1980s, which includes:
Daily Mail: “Boy Wanted to Kill The Queen”
The Times: “New York Ban on Boxing After Death”
Trinidad and Tobago Express: “Man Assists Police in Rape of Nurse”
and The Sun once ran a front page teaser: “Lies! Lies! Lies – pages 4 and 5″
Ha ha – makes me wonder why The Sun had cut down on the lie count
Tom, great post but a few corrections are in order. One: Dan Bloom is the name of the guy who suggested the term “crash blossoms” — not Tom Bloom, and not “crash blooms”. Do you know Tom Bloom? I think he is a cartoonist / illustrator for the New York Times. He had nothing to do with this crash blossoms thing. And they are called crash blossoms, note, not crash blooms. But your minor gaffes were cute and fun, and I myself am a major gaffe-maker from way back. I coined a new word recently, snailpapers, for print newspapers, as a term of endearment, not derision, wonder if you can blog on snailpapers as a new term one day, pro or con, your take, your POV, and see my recent oped on snailpapers in the Juneau Empire last week or google it in Google News under “Dan E. Bloom” + snailpapers. I also wrote a comedy song called “I Just Can’t Live (Without My Daily Snailpaper)” and it’s now online too. Google it under google blog news. It’s honor of people like Ben Bradlee, Bill Keller, Alex Beam, Modo, Dave Brooks, the old Her Ex in LA and Frank Sinatra, too.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2712867/novelty_song_about_newspaper_business.html?cat=68
Examples of crash blossoms wanted « The Inquiring Mind5 Feb 2010 by adamsmith1922
Another participant in the forum, Dan Bloom in Taiwan, suggested that “crash blossoms” could be used as a label for such infelicitous headlines that encourage alternate readings, and news of the neologism quickly spread. …
http://adamsmith.wordpress.com
The man himself
Many thanks, Dan, for taking the time to point out my errors (and sorry for calling you ‘Tom’ – I must be obsessed with the name
). As far as the blooms/blossoms thing goes, the words were way too close. None of my readers pointed it out either, and they are usually pretty unforgiving!
Another apology is in order as, at the time of writing, my blogging platform flatly refuses to publish your second comment. Never fear, I have the original in the database and will certainly research and write about the suggestions you made. I am currently working on another post, but my output is somewhat sporadic given the other things that occupy my time.
I think I’ve corrected everything in the post now. I must admit that, even re-reading it, I was hard pushed to see the errors. That’s what comes of subbing your own copy, eh?
Many thanks again for contacting me and for your suggestions. Congratulations, too, on your internet fame!
Dear Tom,
as the title of that movie goes ….FORGIVEN. I make more gaffes than anyone else, so I know. My middle name is MISTAKE. My second middle name is TYPO. My third middle name is O FORGET IT! Ben There Dan That.
As for atomic typos, do blog on those and my snailpaper song now getting oogles of google hits now on YuToob, give it a listen titled “I Just Can’t Live (Without My Daily Snailpaper)…” when time allows….as for my internet fame, it is an illusion. Fame is an illusion. I do not even exist. I am merely an avatar now, having passed into oblivion on Nov. 6, 2009 when I had my fatal heart attack. oi.