It’s a funny thing, language. I am guilty of defending the usage of the English language and its grammar (if ‘guilty’ is the correct term), but I am also prepared to concede that the reason English has become the worldwide lingua franca is entirely due to its malleability and adaptability. Let’s face it, the Aussies and Kiwis use it, and it’s still recognizeable – barely. I don’t even have a huge problem with our American cousins and their kooky ways of spelling things. Hmmm. Wait – on second thoughts, that’d be most things. Color and thru are still wrong, and happy holidays means nothing at all. It’s Christmas, my US chums – Christmas. You are a Christian country (yes, I know, secular society, church and state, blah blah), so please feel free to use the name, for Bhudda’s sake. Where was I? Oh yes – tangental ranting aside, the horrible truth is that the inhabitants in those most united of states have good reason for ‘-izing’ everything. I will not regurgitate all the arguments why, because all you need to know is right here. It’s well worth a read, I assure you.
So, having set out my stall as part-time defender of English, friend to American people and all-round good egg, let me share a few things with you. I have things I need to get off my chest.
A bad thing: Using ‘impact’ as a verb. “Greg says the recession has impacted the Q4 projection”. Really? Then Greg should be taken outside and beaten. There is only one legitimate use of ‘impacted’ as a verb, and that’s when describing something as squashed or wedged together, such as an impacted molar in dentistry. Other ‘verbed nouns’ – which are the last bastions of scoundrels and regional sales managers – include: task (“he was tasked with data input”), breakfast (“she breakfasted Jack”) and action (“the last point was actioned by Sarah”). It’s wrong and it makes you look stupid. Stop.
A good thing: New words. Probably more like ‘new-ish’, to be honest. Since the public smoking ban in many European countries, quick-witted fans of the fags (no, Americans – the other kind) have seized the opportunity presented by being herded out of anywhere comfortable to chat up ladies/men. This process is known as smirting – a contraction of smoking and flirting. Non-smokers are still stuck with finding something else to have in common with their potential new significant other. The best new word of recent times has to be chillax, a contraction of chill (out) and relax, having the stress on the second syllable. A wonderful example of the creative use of English, but sadly not one I can ever use. Anyone over the age of 20 found using this word is immediately reported to the cool police and pointed and laughed at, like a geography teacher trying to pull off a cap/hoody combo.
Some mistakes that are easy to rectify, but are still like a veneral disease on the organs of productive English: ‘Loosing’, for starters. “I was afraid I might be loosing my grip”. Can you see the ambiguity oozing out of that statement? Was the subject fearful of letting go of an object, or of going colloquially insane, perhaps? There is a reason why loosing and losing are spelled differently. If it helps, think of losing as having lost the second ‘O’. Or just get it bloody well right in the first place. Really – it’s not tricky. Americans beware – anti-US-English rant ahead. “I could care less about what he says” – then why don’t you? This expression has popped up a few times over the past few months, and every time it has irritated me. It’s “I couldn’t care less”. Think about it. There is one word, however, I am a bit stuck as to whether I should hate or not. The data is being read or the data are being read? I do know which is grammatically correct, but ‘the data are‘ still seems very clumsy, in speech at least. Why is pedantry so difficult?
I suppose a doctor in charge of a nuthouse, for instance, could be accused of ‘loosing his patients’ if he chose to leave the padded-cell doors unlocked.
And I guess the 9/11 bombers could be accused of ‘loosing their religion’. But anyway…
Impact as a verb; Almost as bad as, yes, ‘I could care less’ and ‘authored’ and, the worst for me: ‘They were protesting the Poll Tax’. Weren’t they in fact protesting AGAINST the Poll Tax?
They can stick ‘educators’ up the school chimney too, and leave the teachers to get on with it.
I must admit though, as newish words go, ‘skyscraper’ takes some beating. ‘OK’ is ok too, if only for the endless arguments about where it came from.
Hi Tom
Please do not overestimate the position of English, as a lingua franca !
I live in London and if anyone says to me “everyone speaks English” my answer is “Listen and look around you”. If people in London do not speak English then the whole question of a global language is completely open.
The promulgation of English as the world’s “lingua franca” is impractical and linguistically undemocratic. I say this as a native English speaker!
Impractical because communication should be for all and not only for an educational or political elite. That is how English is used internationally at the moment.
Undemocratic because minority languages are under attack worldwide due to the encroachment of majority ethnic languages. Even Mandarin Chinese is attempting to dominate as well. The long-term solution must be found and a non-national language, which places all ethnic languages on an equal footing is essential. As a native English speaker, my vote is for Esperanto
Your readers may be interested in seeing http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_YHALnLV9XU Professor Piron was a former translator with the United Nations
A glimpse of the language,Esperanto, can be seen at http://www.lernu.net
Hello Brian, and welcome to Word du Jour.
I live in Brussels, and can safely say that English is the uncontested lingua franca. I don’t have anything against Esperanto per se, and would agree that any communication tool could only be a good thing. I think the problem with Esperanto as a universal language is lack of exposure, coupled with lack of practical application.
I have not researched this, but would suspect people learn a second language for work or holidays or because they were brought up bilingual. Very few (comparatively) learn a new language just for fun. Without a need to drive them, why would people learn a language that has no immediate use?
I’m happy to leave your links up for people to take a look at though – as I have said, I have nothing against Esperanto. Thanks for reading Word du Jour. =)
What about poor old Latin?
It was a good language and, as good languages go, it went…
I’m not at all keen on “chillax”: it sounds like a marketing man’s name for a mint-flavoured version of one of those yoghourts they advertise so euphemistically on TV. Semantically, it suggests someone who isn’t relaxed enough not to care that “chill” is no longer cool.
“Buddha”, BTW. And “venereal”. See? Pedantry’s easy if you choose the right targets….
@Tony: What did the Romans ever do for us?
@Autolycus: I will put my hand up to Buddha/Bhudda – it’s one I get wrong a lot, and I’m constantly second-guessing myself. Sigh. “Venereal” was a slip of the fingers. Honest guv.
I’m going to stand by ‘chillax’. I like the fact that it keeps the rhythm of ‘relax’. I think, in general, that if people need a guide to what’s hip, they won’t be frequenting these pages!
A final note. I’ve always spelled it ‘yoghurt’, but have seen other spellings bandied about. I had a look in the big Oxford, and found there are some 12 different ways of spelling it. Some kind of record, surely?
Well while we’re on the subject, what’s with this bizarre use of @ ? It stands for “at”, not “to”, so why is it used to indicate the recipient of a message? Or is that a totally different rant?
Oops – I appear to have hit a nerve! I’m just so hip, trendy and down with the kids that I use this to reply to more than one person. It could be seen as “this comment is directed at”, or maybe I’m just a lazy sod =)