She was only…
Ah, the irresistible urge of a cheap sexual innuendo! My somewhat lax attempts at researching the origins of this particular form drew a big fat zero. My guess would be the music hall, vaudeville and burlesque shows of England and the US (back in the time when we shared a similar sense of humour). The basis of the gag is simple – puns, wordplay and, of course, a cheap sexual gag disguised as something more innocent. Regular readers will know what a fan of the Blackadder comedies I am, so I was particularly pleased with a wonderful non sequitur from Hugh Lawrie in Blackadder Goes Forth:”She was only the ironmonger’s daughter but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well”.
So, just for a bit of fun and some cheap laughs, here’s a few of my favourites:
She was only an RSM’s daughter but she made the privates stand to attention
She was only a ornithologist’s daughter but she’d seen a cockatoo
She was only a cattleman’s daughter but she couldn’t keep her calves together
She was only a fishmonger’s daughter but she’d lay on the slab and say “fillet”
She was only a road worker’s daughter but she liked her asphalt
She was only a bookmaker’s daughter but she came home at ten to one
She was only an undertaker’s daughter but anyone cadaver
She was only a barman’s daughter but she pulled the wrong knob and got stout
She was only a Northerner’s daughter but she liked her ‘uddersfield
She was only a flag-bearer’s daughter but she knew how to lower her standards
I could go on (and probably will, but not here). You get the idea, I’m sure. If you have a favourite, feel free to chip in.
Back in the day, there was a political one:
She was only a grocer’s daughter, but she showed Sir Geoffrey Howe.
Yes, there was much made of her ‘umble beginnings. My mother always said “if you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything”. So I won’t…
I believe she was once caught hiding half-inched chocolate biscuits in her drawers.
I thought I’d heard the worst that That Woman ever uttered, until I read this one the other day: “Any man over the age of 30 riding on a bus can consider himself a failure.”
Bitch.
I hadn’t heard that one. My, but isn’t she just a sweetheart?