Banana
Such a simple staple, yet with a wide variety of interesting stories to tell (if they could speak, but that would be weird). They have been mentioned in texts as early as 600BC, but the word as we know it comes from examples found by Arabic slave traders in Africa. Because they grow in a “hand” (the correct terminology) and each fruit looks like a finger (also correct) they were called banan – Arabic for finger. What should be noted is that these examples were wild, uncultivated bananas, so were considerably smaller than the monsters of today and all containing large, woody seeds. The other common type of banana is called a plantain and is used while still green for cooking. It is used in much the same way as a potato would be – boiled, fried, or mashed. You may also be interested to learn that bananas don’t grow on trees, or even bushes. If you look up the definition in the dictionary (a plant with no permanent woody stem) the banana plant is, in fact, a giant herb.
Will bananas become extinct in the near future? No. There has been a lot of speculation about this since a report in the New Scientist magazine in 2003 (since largely discredited). The speculation seems to have derived largely from Internet conspiracy theorists, who no doubt imagine it’s some kind of government plot, bless them. It is true that the most popular strain, the Cavendish is under attack from a thus-far incurable disease called Fusarium Wilt or Panama Disease. The reason they are so susceptible to disease is that they are basically cloned – each plant bears seedless fruit and is replicated by taking cuttings of existing plants. This makes the spread of disease very easy, as they cannot mutate to fight it. Modern farmers have, however, adapted their practises and while the problem of infection is still there, it is well contained. Even if the Cavendish becomes extinct, there are still some 300 other varieties of banana to choose from.
Can you get high on bananas? Believe it or not, people still believe this is possible. The dried skins of the banana were said to contain bananadine, a psychoactive substance that would produce a cannabis-like “high” when smoked. There’s no such thing as a free lunch, people – so please don’t try this at home. The whole thing began as a hoax, but was given credence by William Powell in his now-infamous Anarchist Cookbook (no links from here, I’m afraid – look it up if you’re curious!). I will provide a link to the original recipe, but be warned there is some NSFW language on the page.
I had no idea the banana was an herb, I always assumed it grew on trees. Mind you, I also thought that spaghetti grew on trees and that there were treacle mines.
I do notice that you haven’t mentioned that barmy Brussels bureaucrats had tried to ban the bent banana, which was part of a diabolical EU plot to put all the Caribbean banana producers out of business and make us eat straight European ones. (By the way, does this make them homophobic?)
Of course, that isn’t strictly true. Commission Regulation (EC) 2257/94 states that bananas must be “free from malformation or abnormal curvature”. In the case of “Extra class” bananas, there is no wiggle room, but Class 1 bananas can have “slight defects of shape”, and Class 2 bananas can have full-on “defects of shape”.
The diabolical plan to put Caribbean producers out of business was not an EU plan at all, but came from the large US conglomerates that own big banana plantations in Latin America. They wanted to end the favourable trade terms the EU had with the former-colonies of various EU countries. Theoretically the market was opened up in 2006, but there are still on-going issues.
What is even more surprising is that I don’t even like bananas. It’s amazing what we’ll do to get out of doing some real work!
Hmmm… I had considered writing about the banana-straightening “euromyth” but it’s such a fuzzy description that it can and has been appropriated as proof by bodies on both sides of the argument. I’m too much of a political fence-sitter to get involved!
The banana plant is a herb because the ‘trunk’ is, in fact, future leaves, tightly coiled.
A herb?! Going bananas, aren’t you Tom?
Isn’t rhizome a more appropriate word?
Rhizome? Like ginger and things? No, Minky – this is definitely a herb
Tsk tsk tsk… you wrote it yourself, the whole thing began as a hoax.
The plant portion above the ground is a pseudostem, the rhizome -or true stem- is underground. Can’t you just take my Greek word for it?
Damn it – I knew you were going to be trouble! Honestly, what *did* your ancestors do when they weren’t making up millions of words?